What To Talk About

Aside from problem solving, sharing and listening as mentioned above, there are a great many other things that the prisoner will enjoy talking with you about.

You can discuss world events, sport, and things they may have watched on television (if they are Chinese as most of the television is in Chinese). Often the prisoners are fairly well informed since there is access to news and newspapers.

You can talk about what he does in the prison, his work, studies, sports. Books that he has been reading can also be discussed. Any general subject that is of interest can be a topic of conversation.

You may like to talk about his family, but only if this does not upset him too much and only if he wants to. Sometimes it is a very painful subject and on occasions he may not feel like facing it. He will often tell you what letters he has received from whom (letters are a very big event inside) and you can ask him to show you any photographs that he may have in his possession though he may have to arrange to bring them the next time.

He may well want to tell you about all the frustrating and difficult things that have been happening, complain about the staff or the system, or let off steam generally. This is good and he will often feel better for it. However it is advisable that you do not get into a position where you are on the side of the prisoner ‘against’ the CSD. It is important for you to listen. The CSD admits that it is not perfect but there are ways and means of dealing with complaints, which we have learned through experience, are much better than others. On the whole we would ask that you PLEASE CONSULT A MEMBER OF THE EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE ABOUT ANY COMPLAINT THAT EITHER YOU OR YOUR PRISONER-FRIEND MAY HAVE ABOUT THE CSD OR THE SYSTEM BEFORE YOU TAKE ANY ACTION INDEPENDENTLY. We can then advise you as to whether we should approach the Superintendent, Welfare Officer, Chaplain or no-one about the matter.

A list of all members and executive committee members, together with their telephone numbers can be obtained from the PFA office if you do not already have one.

The prisoner may well wish to discuss his crime, trial and sentence. It is good for him to talk to you about it IF HE WANTS TO because it will obviously feature very largely in his thoughts. IT IS NOT ADVISABLE TO GIVE HIM LEGAL ADVICE. It is also not advisable to comment on the justice or otherwise of the sentence. We are not qualified or in a position to do so.

1. Discussing The Crime

Our attitude should be one of acceptance and respect, seeing the good in our new friend and helping them to recognise it too. We should be non-judgmental without condoning the crime. We can care for and like the person whilst hating the crime that they have committed: our acceptance of the person does not mean that we accept what they have done is alright. It is probably more helpful, should the subject really be discussed, to admit that the crime was wrong and unacceptable, but also to stress that the person themselves are acceptable and then go on from there. From that standpoint you can go on to discuss whether or not the crime should be repeated after release. Such a conversation may never occur, and if it does, only after a long acquaintance. Normally we would advise against asking about the crime. The friendship should start on a level, person to person, not criminal to non-criminal. Usually, after a while, the prisoner will want to share with you what it is all about, but I think it is better to wait for them to tell you when they want to.

“When a prisoner wishes to tell you about his crime, and he may or may not wish to do so when you get to know each other better, he will tell you in his own way, and sensitivity on your part at this moment will help the development of your relationship greatly. The facts which you learn may not be the same version as those held by the court or the police, but we are not appointed to learn facts or judge sentences: our impartiality means that this is not important, and in for example, several years of visiting a long term prisoner, it may be that you will never discuss the crime for which he is in prison for. We befriend prisoners as people, and just as in ordinary friendships, we do not have a necessary right to know all aspects of their life history. Indeed a positive outlook towards the future may be much more constructive and better appreciated.” (NAPV)

A prisoner may feel that you are a very special and important friend, and yet always feel uncomfortable about the fact that you do not know the worst about him. He may come to the point where he plucks up his courage to tell you about his crime. How you react at this point may be crucial. We suggest that you listen and then be sure to treat him just the same after he has told you as you did before: accepting him.